I started out hiding, which is probably why I should never never be allowed to go back there now that I've stuck a bit of my head into the open sun. Due to my valiant efforts- it really hasn't been easy- I've had the chance to force myself into stepping into focus and limelight, and seize some responsibilities rather recklessly. I realize, like I have always known, that I'm not ready. I set out with a rough goal in mind: I want to be the kind of guy that's unwavering in spirit and steadfast in character, nothing fazes him and even when he does wrong he has the knack to brush it away simply with brazen confidence and coolness. I want to be that kind of guy but I'm starting to either doubt in the existence of such guys (said guys actually are weak when exposed in front of closed ones) or they're just born leaders in every right (sort of an inbuilt character). And either way it means I'm nowhere near my goal, even though by introverts' standards I dare presume I've forced myself a long way and come pretty damn far. Still not sure if it's something to be proud of but I need to improve so that I can protect the ones I love/will come to love.
Perhaps a bit of confidence can be found in looks, and I'm really willing to pay money to someone who can extract out that irritating lazy bug in me. (ideally) I want an attitude to keep working out and build a proper body just to look AVERAGELY FIT- not too scrawny nor too plump, so as to allow myself to finally kickstart my image overhaul project and dare to buy smaller, tighter fitting tops and bottoms. Perhaps I need to dress cool to feel cool hahaha. And I'm still hoping army will push me, even though i know if I don't push myself I'm going nowhere.
So take me somewhere I want to be please, and eventually I want to be somewhere I am appreciated and loved in the capacity I was born with. And thank you, in advance.
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